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The art of buying a PUT (& protecting your portfolio at the same time  )

Episode 2: Using Options to protect your crown jewels when the market starts to fall
There are many ways in which Options can be traded, for income, profit, loss, insurance or to subsidise a Stock purchase and in this, the 2nd of my introductory series on Options, I’ve decided to going to cover off why you might want to buy a PUT on either an individual stock or indices to cover and protect your ‘long’ positions.
So what is a PUT exactly?
At its simplest a PUT is a type of Option you buy (or sell - see Episode 3 next Monday) which can make you money when a stock or the market is going down. (NB: You don’t actually need to own a stock to buy a PUT, it just depends on whether you want to run around the market ‘sans underwear’ and risk your private assets for no good reason – other than profit! :-) Joking aside however, the purpose of this post is to explain how the financial ‘instrument’ known as a PUT - loved and hated in equal measure, can be used for the purpose for which it was originally conceived.
Timing is pretty much everything when working with the stock market and that becomes 100 x more critical when you start trading Options. Buying a PUT at the wrong time (i.e. when the market or your stock is going upwards) is unlikely to win you many admirers and can be detrimental to your relationship if you have a shared brokerage account! J But as I mentioned in the first Episode of this series on the Covered CALL, a single Option = 100 shares; a relationship often referred to as ‘leverage.’ As such, and if you had 100 shares in Apple for example, another trader could achieve a similar holding ON A TIME LIMITED BASIS for just 1% of the money you paid for those Apple shares (less spread and commission); tempting isn’t it - $13,000 odd of stock for just $1,300. The problem however, is that at some point in the future (and unlike the Stock), an Option expires and then becomes valueless – a time few investors relish. Also, when multiple Options expire at the same time it’s known as a ‘Witching’ or even a triple Witching when stock Options, stock index futures and stock index options expire at the same time - Fun, fun, fun for the boys and girls on their Option broomsticks sans underwear, but not do good for anyone else! :-)
On the plus side however, and with a 99% theoretical leverage on your money, a PUT will gain value rapidly whenever the market or the stock it relates too goes down, and even after taking the ‘spread’ into account (that’s the difference between the ‘buy’ and the ‘sell’ price of the Option) it typically delivers anywhere from a 65: 1 to 75:1 return (profit or loss), so it’s a cheap way to insure your portfolio against a V shaped dip. It would be fair to say that PUT purchased and sold for the right reasons at the right time can go a long way towards protecting your crown jewels (Stocks) against temporary stock market downdrafts, and at the wrong time is a ruddy nuisance J
So what’s the catch?
There’s more than one actually :-) Firstly, neither stocks nor indices tend to travel up or down in nice predictable patterns – if they did, we’d all be minted by now and I probably wouldn’t these articles from the cupboard under the stairs! :-)
When you buy a PUT, it will bounce around your ticker from red to green (and then back to red again), :-) in much the same way that you would if you suddenly decided to take a stroll across a hot bed of coals to impress your friends here on Reddit, and just like those hot coals and your pretty little feet, it’s painful, unnerving and it doesn’t smell too good either! :-) But joking aside, let’s run some scenarios to show how this defensive strategy might not do what you’d like it to do;
a) Imagine your stock takes a sharp dive and up goes your PUT (65: 1 after the spread). You call your Partner and rave about your natural genius and unrivalled flare, but by the time the phone call ends and you return to your screen, you discover that the Stock has actually recovered and that pesky PUT you were just raving about has sent your ticker back in the red again! (what's the betting you don’t ring them back and confess your sins!?) J (I appreciate you could put a STOP order SELL order on your Options but due to the ways these things bounce around, it’s not always an ideal strategy to do so – see b) for why.
or
b) Maybe your stock takes that proverbial dive again but this time bottoms out and bounces along the floor for a few minutes, then you see the candlesticks starting to change, confirming that the recovery is imminent so you sell your PUT on a wave of GREEN – Yipee! J - Only to discover that for reasons unknown, the candle has melted and your Stock is now launching itself off a vertical cliff with all your money to oblivion! You start to wonder if the PUT knew it was about to be dumped and in a last act of revenge at your unfaithfulness, waited till the last possible moment when you had taken off the parachute before sticking in the boot? (It happens believe me, and it’s a very weird feeling when it does, as if someone at the brokerage firm (aka Casino) was watching your moves and had set you up) . . . :-)
But please don’t be put off (no pun intended - honest) J Buying a PUT can be a great idea, and when successfully deployed can protect your assets against downdraughts in both theory and in practice, but working with one is not as straight forward as anyone would like; it’s a bit like riding a Tandem (bicycle) with a drunk co-pilot in the lead, you both know timing is everything and where you want to get too, but getting there seems frustratingly elusive (and you keep falling off in the road!) :-)
A PUT can and will protect you and it’s a great defensive play but don’t stay in one for too long unless you know that crash in your assets is both imminent and ongoing! Timing remember is everything (x100) and walking on hot coals hurts!
Next Monday, I’ll take a closer look at using a PUT as a way to buy an underlying stock you want and get paid for the privilege, but until then; stay safe ‘guys’ and watch the market right now, it’s looking a bit choppy out there. Mark
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Wrestling Observer Rewind ★ Mar. 4, 2002

Going through old issues of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter and posting highlights in my own words. For anyone interested, I highly recommend signing up for the actual site at f4wonline and checking out the full archives.
PREVIOUSLY:
1-7-2002 1-14-2002 1-21-2002 1-28-2002
2-4-2002 2-11-2002 2-18-2002 2-25-2002
NOTE: I mentioned it in the first post of 2002 but a lot of y'all are aware that a few months ago, SaintRidley picked up the Observer Rewind reins after I stopped and started doing his own recaps from the 1980s. Well, he's been doing great work with it and he just finished posting the year of 1987. I went ahead and added it the Previously" section up there. ↑↑↑ Just wanted to make sure to bring it to everyone's attention.
  • It's been awhile since we've had major PPVs going head-to-head with each other, but it happened this week when WWA aired it's 2nd ever PPV live from Las Vegas, going head-to-head with PRIDE. Dave recaps the history of head-to-head PPV battles, specifically the WWF vs. Crockett war in the late-80s. How Vince McMahon created Survivor Series specifically to run it in direct competition with Crockett's first ever PPV, Starrcade 87. The resulting loss of needed revenue was a huge reason why Crockett eventually had to sell the company to Ted Turner and, in retrospect, set into motion everything that led to WCW's eventual death last year. He goes on to recap how Royal Rumble was created and aired on free TV to go head-to-head with Crockett's next PPV attempt, Bunkhouse Stampede. Then Crockett responded by creating the first Clash of the Champions and airing it against Wrestlemania IV. Not sure PRIDE vs. WWA is up there in the same league as that PPV battle. Which, to be fair, Dave admits it's not the same thing.
  • Anyway, the PRIDE show was among the greatest events of all time, one of the very few times in the history of the Observer that a show got a unanimous 100% thumbs up vote on the reader poll. It aired in Japan live and in the U.S. on a bit of a delay, with the matches edited in a different order. In Japan, the card was headlined by Vanderlei Silva vs. former UWFI wrestler Kiyoshi Tamura, which was an excellent fight that Silva won. In the U.S., the show was built around Ken Shamrock vs. Don Frye in the main event (in Japan, it aired 3rd from last) and the 2 men had an absolute war that should shut up critics who say both are too old. Shamrock lost a split-decision in a fight that Dave thinks should have legitimately been a draw. (This fight is considered to this day one of the all-time wars in MMA history. An utter slobberknocker. Neither fighter was the same again afterward and Frye has said that the damage Shamrock did to his legs in this fight led to him later getting addicted to painkillers). After the fight, Shamrock went over to ringside and hugged his girlfriend Alicia Webb, who you may remember as Ryan Shamrock. The girl that played his sister in WWF.
WATCH: Don Frye vs. Ken Shamrock - PRIDE 19: Bad Blood (2002)
  • And then there was WWA. A low-budget, amateur-ish event, marred by bad production and no-shows. Not that the crowd would even know, because most of the lineup was never even announced ahead of time anyway. The scheduled main event of Jeff Jarrett vs. Randy Savage didn't happen because Savage held promoter Andrew McManus up for more money at the last minute. Savage originally had agreed to work the show in exchange for a 30% ownership stake in the company, which was agreed upon. But three days before the show, Savage upped the ante, saying he wanted the 30%, plus an extra $50,000 in cash. At that point, they started haggling back and forth to try to strike some kind of deal. Ownership got pulled off the table and then Savage asked for a flat $250,000 fee to work the show. WWA turned that down and came back with a flat $150,000 offer instead. Savage turned that down and at that point, everything broke down. For what it's worth, a lot of the lower card wrestlers on the show worked for $300. Last second attempts to bring in Sting to save the show didn't work either. Road Dogg was also supposed to appear on the show but couldn't because of legal issues. Word is he got arrested 2 days before the show in Florida on a probation violation. As a result, the PPV was headlined by Jeff Jarrett defending the WWA championship against Brian Christopher.
  • The whole show was simply an embarrassment. The production was completely minor league and the crowd was totally dead for all these long matches with guys nobody cares about. The in-ring work was fine, but the booking often made no sense, with overbooked three-ways and 6-way undercard matches that ended up being more clusterfuck than match. It was also one of those Russo-type things where the commentary team made endless inside-references that only the hardcore internet fans would get. But then again, this show only drew hardcore internet fans anyway, so why not? They also constantly made reference to WWF, which came across as desperate and sad. In particular, Larry Zbyszko was given the chance to cut a meandering promo, challenging Vince McMahon to a fight over some unspecified grievance from 20 years ago and criticized them for having Chris Jericho as their world champion. Dave thinks Zbyszko was actually angling for a job from WWF by trying to start his own angle and says this promo was basically his job application. And he thinks it was pretty pathetic. Backstage, the disorganization was apparent and most even within the company saw what a mess it was and have already given up on the promotion as a lost cause. Dave said this PPV made it clear that nobody will be challenging WWF anytime soon.
  • Other notes from the WWA Revolution PPV: yes, in case you're wondering, that Japanese man sitting behind the commentary table all night who very briefly (literally blink and miss it) got involved in the Scott SteineDisco Inferno tussle was indeed NJPW star Hiroyoshi Tenzan and yes, they flew him all the way from Japan (and had him bring his ring gear just in case), only to have him do almost nothing and never be acknowledged on camera. Eric Bischoff was backstage, as a guest of Ernest Miller. Bischoff laughed off any questions about going to WWF but said the ol' "never say never" shtick. The crowd was about 2,800, most of them freebies and they were desperately giving away tickets in the casino before the show. During the first match, the building looked practically empty so they quietly began moving everyone closer to ringside to pack the area around the ring to make it look presentable for TV. Opening 6-way match featuring all the hottest indie stars was a sloppy mess, with too people flying everywhere trying to get their shit in and the cameras missing most of it. Bret Hart came out and cut a long, rambling promo before announcing Brian Christopher was replacing Randy Savage in the main event, to zero crowd response. By the 5th match, people in the crowd could be seen leaving, never to return. Jerry Lynn showed up, interrupting an Eddie Guerrero interview, at which point Dave mentions, oh yeah by the way, the WWF released Jerry Lynn 2 days before the PPV. Considering WWF has been talking about reviving the cruiserweight division after Wrestlemania, Dave doesn't know why they'd get rid of a guy who could be one of the best in the division. Anyway, yeah, this show sucked. Here ya go, enjoy.
WATCH: WWA: The Revolution PPV - 2002
  • WWF's latest investor conference call took place and wasn't particularly newsworthy, but there's some stuff to note. The new agreement with DirecTV is until August of 2003 and is under the exact same terms they were operating under last year, which means WWF gained nothing while losing an estimated $4.4 million in revenue over the last few PPVs. Following the brand split, WWF plans to run 16 PPVs per year, and increasing the price by an extra $5. Linda McMahon said Wrestlemania 18 has sold 58,000 tickets as of the time of the call, for a record gate of $3.96 million, breaking the record set by last year's WM. Dave goes through all the numbers and for the most part, in comparison to previous quarters, almost everything is down. Which is no surprise to anyone who has been paying attention because WWF is clearly on the downswing. Linda also said they're currently interviewing new writers and are hoping to double their writing staff, which Dave thinks is a terrible idea (and time has damn sure proven him correct). Finally, Linda was also asked how the purchase of the WCW library has benefited the company, which Dave thinks is an interesting question since revenues have declined since then and the Invasion angle flopped so hard that it killed any brand value the name "WCW" may have had. Linda talked about the value of the tape library but Dave points out that it's been a year and WWF has done practically nothing with that library (of course, in the end, they found ways to monetize that WCW library and it more than paid for itself).
  • In his first match as an official member of the AJPW roster, Keiji Muto lost the Triple Crown championship to Toshiaki Kawada in a match nearly a year in the making, before a sold out crowd at Budokan Hall. He hasn't seen it yet, but the match was reported to Dave as a near-classic (he ends up giving it 4.5 stars). The other 2 NJPW stars who jumped ship, Kendo Kashin and Satoshi Kojima, also worked their first official AJPW matches. Kaz Hayashi, formerly a member of Jung Dragons in WCW and who worked in WWF's developmental until asking for his release a few weeks ago, also debuted on the show and will be part of Muto's faction.
WATCH: Keiji Muto vs. Toshiaki Kawada - AJPW 2-24-2002
  • Obituary time for Swede Hanson, who worked primarily in the Carolinas and had a brief run in the WWF as a cult favorite babyface in the early 80s. Sadly, he passed away in a mental hospital because he had advanced Alzheimer's disease which made it impossible for his family to handle him and they had him put away. Jeez, that's rough. He also had a litany of other health problems. Dave gives an in-depth history of his career in the 60s and 70s as a heel in the Carolinas before talking about the WWF run. Vince Sr. brought him in as a monster heel to challenge Bob Backlund, and Dave thinks someone else must have backed out at the last moment or something. By this time (in 1979), Hanson was well past his prime and hadn't been a major star anywhere in years but he was a big dude and so they brought him in to face Backlund and they actually sold out Madison Square Garden with Backlund vs. Hanson in the main event (though Dave says Bruno Sammartino working the undercard sure didn't hurt). The match sucked and almost immediately after, he became a jobber in the WWF, but Vince Jr, on commentary, just loved to call him "Rawboned Swede Hanson" and the "Rawboned" nickname caught on. Vince said it with such gusto that Hanson briefly became a cult favorite jobber from it and the crowd turned him babyface at damn near 50 years old. It led to a brief career resurgence and him having a small role in the Backlund/Billy Graham feud for the title before he finally faded into oblivion.
  • Mark Henry won the "world's strongest man" competition at the Arnold Classic bodybuilding and fitness event. Henry has been out of WWF for the past 2 months training for this competition and the training paid off, with Henry capturing first place and making a legitimate viable claim to his "strongest man in the world" moniker. During the event, Henry became the first man in 50 years to cleanly press the 366 pound Apollon wheel weight above his head. In another event, he carried an 800 pound block of bolted together railroad ties up a 40-foot ramp faster than the other competitors. For his victory, Henry won a $75,000 Humvee and some other cash prizes. Over the same weekend, he also won another $1,000 in a contest where he was able to lift an inch dumbbell (which weighs 172 pounds) to his shoulder with one arm. There's a bunch of other weightlifting stuff here, but you might be surprised to find out....I dunno shit about any of this. I got winded lifting pizza to my mouth earlier. Mark Henry strong.
WATCH: Mark Henry at the Arnold Classic 2002
  • Another obit for former wrestler, promoter, and father of 80s valet Baby Doll, Nick Roberts who died of pancreatic cancer. Once again, a bunch of details and stories about someone I've never heard of in wrestling history that Dave somehow knows everything about. I know I've said it before, but these obituary pieces are some of the greatest reasons for subscribing to the Observer.
  • Masahiro Chono says he wants to take NJPW in a more serious, realistic direction. No sports entertainment gaga nonsense, they want it to be like a real sports product. So much so that, in his own match with Manabu Nakanishi at the last big NJPW show, Chono wouldn't even bounce off the ropes, saying that it's not credible and no one would do that in a real fight. Ah yes, Inoki's gonna love this.
  • FMW wrestler Kodo Fuyuki has said he plans to try to keep the promotion running after it was announced it was folding last week. FMW still has 8 shows scheduled for this month and Fuyuki said he plans to try to run them himself and keep the company going (no such luck buddy).
  • Japan Today, an American newspaper that covers Japanese news daily, had a story on Antonio Inoki battling diabetes. It says he was first diagnosed in 1982, which Dave says is right around the time Inoki's in-ring work dropped off considerably when he lost his stamina. The story said for the last 20 years, Inoki has eaten a ridiculously healthy diet and is in better health now at 59 than he was then at 39.
  • Dave said he got tons of positive feedback on the debut of RF Video's Ring of Honor promotion in Philadelphia. The show was sold out in advance, was well organized, and had several really good matches. They limited a lot of the mistakes that most indie companies fall victim to, such as too many matches, too many run-ins, too much mic work, too many guys trying to do too much stuff, etc. Steve Corino and CZW announcer Eric Gargiulo did commentary. Eddie Guerrero faced Super Crazy in an excellent match and the main event was a three-way featuring Low-Ki, Christopher Daniels, and American Dragon that Dave has heard rave reviews for. And thus, ROH was born.
WATCH: Highlights from ROH's debut show in 2002
  • Vic Grimes took the most insane bump of all time at an XPW event before 1,500 fans in Los Angeles. Grimes was facing New Jack in a scaffold match said to be at least twice as high up as the fall Mick Foley took off the Hell in a Cell. The ring below had tables stacked 4-high to break his fall, but Grimes ended up missing most of the tables when New Jack overshot him. Perhaps on purpose. Grimes missed all but the corner tables at the edge of the ring before coming down on the corner turnbuckles. After the bump, they tried to rush fans out of the arena since it was almost 1am and gave many the impression Grimes life was in danger. But he was surprisingly okay and was walking around backstage after, although he was definitely banged up. Grimes was really nervous about the bump earlier in the day, as you might expect and Dave says he's pretty damn lucky he didn't miss the ring because he almost certainly would have died if he took that bump straight to the floor. Elsewhere on the show, there was a match where porn star Lizzy Borden (wife of XPW promoter Rob Black) faced another porn star, Veronica Caine, in a match that was supposed to end only when someone was stripped totally naked. But right before it happened, the lights went out and the women were rushed out of the ring and when fans realized they'd been ripped off, they were so pissed the arena feared a riot. (Anyway, here's the bump and yeah....Grimes very easily could have died from this. No mention from Dave on the fact that New Jack also tazed him before this)
WATCH: Air Grimes goes long
  • Shane Douglas is expected to take over as XPW booker when his WCW contract with Time Warner expires next month.
  • Former WCW journeyman wrestler Chip Minton's primary career was bobsledding. He only wrestled in WCW occasionally while doing that, primarily as a jobber on the C-shows. Minton was part of the US bobsledding team in both the 1994 and 1998 Winter Olympics and was planning to compete this year, but failed to make the team. Soon after that, he failed a steroid test and has been suspended from the sport for 2 years.
  • Remember a couple weeks ago, it was mentioned that Roddy Piper was in a car accident but he was playing down how serious it was? Turns out....very serious. Piper suffered 4 broken ribs, one of which punctured his liver and nearly killed him. He also suffered severe back injuries and shattered his ankle. Piper was taken to the hospital and was near death but obviously, he managed to pull through and has still been making all his appearances for XWF in recent days. (Yeah I think in Piper's autobiography, he dedicates the book to the guy who saved his life by rushing him to the hospital and even says he was clinically dead for a few moments. Then again, Piper was like a lot of those old time guys and was prone to exaggeration, so who knows).
  • Eric Bischoff is teaming up with Mark Burnett, the producer of the hit show Survivor, to produce a MMA reality show called Skien. From Dave's understanding, it will basically be a reality show with K-1 kickboxers leading up to a PPV event. (Here's an article about it from Variety at the time, but this ends up going nowhere).
WATCH: Variety article on Eric Bischoff's new reality show
  • Notes from Raw: only one thing really notable, they filmed a segment at referee Tim White's bar The Friendly Tap. The bar really is owned by White and WWF pretty much always films angles there when they're in town (Providence, RI). This time, the skit featured the APA going into the bar to drink and the bar was filled by a bunch of gay men and drag queens (played by a bunch of wrestlers from indie promotion Chaotic Wrestling) while the APA guys acted all grossed out by it all. Then Billy and Chuck attacked them. Dave thinks this played on all the typical homophobic stereotypes and he seems pretty irritated by it. Anyway, among the wrestlers from Chaotic were Todd Sinclair (better known now as ROH's senior official), Rich Palladino (ring announcer for Beyond now) and John Walters (indie wrestler and former ROH Pure champion).
  • Next week's Smackdown hasn't aired yet but it was taped and Dave has details. Notably, this is the episode where Austin chases down the NWO and tries to shoot them with a net gun. Dave says this was a mess, with the gun going off but no net being fired from it and they'll have to fix the whole thing in post-production. It went horribly when they filmed it and it aired for the live crowd and it killed the crowd and basically forced them to improvise on the spot (on one of the Something To Wrestle podcasts, Bruce Prichard tells this story and how frustrated they were with this net gun being a piece of shit). This episode also featured Stephanie yelling at Chris Jericho for getting her the wrong hand lotion and Booker T and Edge feuding over a Japanese shampoo commercial. (Rock/Hogan was great, but man, the build for everything else at Wrestlemania 18 suuuuuucked.)
  • Prototype won the OVW title from Leviathan at the latest OVW tapings. After the match, they did an angle to set up David Flair as the #1 contender for the title. Prototype's only singles loss in OVW came last week, when Flair beat him, so there ya go (this video covers ALL of that. The FlaiCena match, the Leviathan match, the post-match angle, etc).
WATCH: Prototype vs. Leviathan for OVW title - 2002
  • Wall Street Journal did an article talking about the decline in Smackdown's ratings, saying they were down 28% from last year and down 42% from the year before that. The article blamed it on Smackdown changing networks. Here's the thing though....it hasn't. Raw changed networks in 2000. Smackdown has been on UPN since its debut. Also, UPN has grown overall in ratings while Smackdown has declined. So....no. It's just because the show sucks now.
  • Charlie Haas, fresh off returning to the ring and winning the HWA title after the death of his brother, tore his ACL this week. He just had surgery and will be out 4-6 months. Rough few months for that dude.
  • A Washington newspaper did a story on James Dudley, who you may know as....WWF Hall of Famer James Dudley and little else. On-screen, he's never really done much. But Dave says Dudley started working for Vince Sr. back in the 1940s, when Sr. was a boxing promoter, and was essentially his Vince Sr.'s driver and assistant. Dudley did a lot of odd jobs for the company during those early years, working ticket booths and stuff like that, but to most people, he was just kinda known as Vince Sr.'s limo driver. So when he was indicted into the WWF Hall of Fame a few years ago, it was a pretty controversial decision among a lot of people, given that someone like Bruno Sammartino isn't in, by the company's limo driver is. Anyway, before his death, Vince Sr. made Vince Jr. promise to take care of Dudley and keep him on the payroll. So for the last 18 years or so, even though he doesn't work for the company, Vince McMahon has continued to pay him a salary. He also bought him a new car as a gift some years back.
  • Billy and Chuck's recent tag team title win makes Billy Gunn the most decorated tag team wrestler in WWF history, as he's now held the tag titles 9 times (3 as part of the Smoking Gunns, 5 as part of New Age Outlaws, and now once with he and Chuck). The previous record was Mick Foley, with 8. (to the best of my research, if we're only talking WWF/WWE tag title reigns, that record is now held by Edge).
  • USA Network CEO Barry Diller took part in a lecture at Syracuse University and talked about losing the WWF to TNN. When asked why it happened, he responded, "Because I'm a dope." He said he didn't fight hard enough to keep the WWF and admitted the loss hurt, but also said it may have been the best thing for them in the long-run because pro wrestling doesn't really fit the direction they're planning to take the network. He said wrestling fans came for wrestling and left immediately after it was over and there was never any cross-over fans who stuck around to watch the next show or anything like that. He said they could never figure out what to connect wrestling to within the rest of their properties.
  • WWF held a try out camp in Cincinnati and reportedly, nobody was particularly impressive, including AJ Styles. The knock on Styles was that he's average looking and too small. Wrestler Sonny Siaki was said to be the most impressive, but he also rubbed people the wrong way with his attitude so probably not gonna make the cut this time. Matt Morgan, who was on the Tough Enough casting special last season got a tryout and since he has no formal training, he was pretty awful but he's big so Dave seems to think he'll get a chance anyway. The other one they were impressed by was a woman named Erin Bray, who was one of the final 25 picked for the original Tough Enough. But then some other contestants spotted her out on a date with one of the show's judges and they threw a fit, which resulted in Bray not making the final 13. Another wrestler, Travis Tomko, is a guy who has worked some indies and is a former bodyguard for Limp Bizkit ("Tomko, gimme a beat." "No.")
  • Rock was a presenter at the NAACP Awards and Dave thinks he looked pretty great for a guy who was almost murdered in an ambulance by the NWO a few days earlier. Cheeky Dave is just the best.
  • Speaking of, Dave throws in a random paragraph to backhandedly shit on Kevin Nash. For years, people in the business joked that Lex Luger made the most money with the least ability or drawing power of anyone ever in wrestling. Dave says it's gotta be Nash. For example, Nash is not wrestling and is only going to be in Hall's corner for the match at Wrestlemania (his knees really are giving him problems), but he has been promised that he's going to get the same type of payoff as if he was the guy in the match working with Austin in the semi-main event. Not to mention all the huge contracts he signed in WCW, or how he got a huge-by-WWF-standards deal here, plus got Vince to cave to almost all his other demands regarding schedule and bringing back Scott Hall, among other things. (I mean, while Dave is being kind of a dick here, I don't think he's really wrong either. When it comes to top draws in the history of the business, Nash isn't anywhere near even the top 10 or 20. And he's never exactly been a great wrestler. But since the 90s, Nash always managed to make sure he gets PAID like he's in that upper echelon. Nash is one of those very few wrestlers who isn't entranced by the fame or the fake accolades. He treats wrestling for what it is: a business. It's the way they pay their mortgages and buy groceries, just like you and me at our jobs. I love it. I laugh my ass off every time I hear "Brock Lesnar signed a huge new contract to only work 6 matches a year." Good for him. I hope he gets even more money for less dates next year. You should always know your worth and never let your employer take you for anything less. Nash has always been one of the guys to do that and he's probably going to die comfortably in a nice house while these other guys from his era are still clinging to fame at 60 years old doing $300 indie shows on crippled knees. Anyway, that's my soapbox). Dave seems to feel the same way and admits, love him or hate him, you gotta give Nash credit for being one of the smartest guys in the biz.
  • Fear Factor featuring the Hardyz, Lita, Test, Molly Holly, and Jacquelyn aired this week. First they had to climb up a rope ladder hanging from a helicopter over the river and they all made it up except Jeff Hardy who slipped near the top and fell (knowing Jeff, he probably purposely let go so he could take the big fall for fun). Lita also got eliminated for being the slowest one up the ladder. Next they had to chug a gross drink that included bile, rooster testicals, spleen, and some animal brains all blended together. Molly Holly almost vomited after one sip and was out. Jackie and Matt succeeded. Test refused to even try. So then it came down to Matt vs. Jackie and they had to walk across the tops of high poles and move flags around. Matt Hardy ended up winning the whole thing and won $50,000 for charity.
WATCH: WWF stars on Fear Factor, Pt. 1
WATCH: WWF stars on Fear Factor, Pt. 2
WATCH: WWF stars on Fear Factor, Pt. 3
  • Sunday Night Heat is being converted into one of the B-shows like Metal and Jakked. Awhile back, they started airing Heat from the WWF New York restaurant but the production costs of that were high. So in a cost-cutting move, they're just gonna tape dark matches and throw them on Heat the same way they do those other shows, featuring all the nobodies that can't ever get TV time on the main shows.
  • As mentioned last week, Scott Hall has been taking a drug called Antabuse, which makes him violently sick when he drinks or even smells alcohol. It caused him to get sick after Raw last week when Austin poured beer all over him in a bit after the cameras were off. Hall has said he is clean and has been clean for awhile, except for the incident a couple weeks ago where he fell off the wagon. Others are skeptical and question if Hall only takes his medication on TV days and needless to say, there's some doubt here.
  • Everywhere he goes, Brian Christopher has been telling people he's coming back to WWF after Wrestlemania, but contrary to what he's saying, Dave says there are zero plans for that (indeed, it does not happen).
FRIDAY: More on WWA's PPV disaster, the landscape for any new promotion attempting to start up, WWF huge show in Japan, WWF loses appeal over "WWF" initials, Bret Hart given offer for Wrestlemania 18, and tons more...
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Respect Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson and the Olympians/Heroes of Olympus) [New Update]

The Lightning Thief=TLT Sea of Monsters=SOM The Titan’s Curse=TTC Battle of the Labyrinth=BOTL The Last Olympian=TLO The Singer of Apollo=TSOA The Sword of Hades=TSOH The Stolen Chariot=TSC The staff of Hermes=TSH The demigod diaries=TDD The Diary of Luke Castellan=DOLC The Lost Hero=TLH The Son of Neptune=SON The Mark of Athena=MOA The House of Hades=HOH The Blood of Olympus=BOO Demigods of Olympus: An Interactive Adventure=DOA The Son of Sobek=SOS The Staff of Serapis=TSOS The Crown of Ptolemy=COP The Hidden Oracle=THO The Tyrant’s Tomb=TTT Percy Jackson Greek Gods=GG Percy Jackson Greek Heroes=GH

Demigod traits

Weapon

Anaklusmos/riptide is a 3 ft long sword with a leaf shaped blade. Made of celestial bronze that harms the divine and monstrous beings of the world along with mortals if the mortal is important enough such as Setne and Carter Kane, and it can even cut down ghouls and ghosts. It’s disguised as a pen that always returns to him and durable enough to survive full submersion in lava

Strength/striking

Lifting strength

Combat Speed

Scaling to a son of Athena * -Zane dodging the charge of a leonte that was fast enough to move down a hall as a flash of yellow, and move across an office in a flash DOA pg.25,42 * -Scaling to Annabeth who could dodge Kelli HOH ch.15 * -Who’s one of the fastest characters we’ve seen in the universe. She’s fast enough to blitz Rachel before riptide can even switch to sword form after being uncapped. BOTL ch.14 And from the lightning thief that it only takes half a second for the sword form to release, but Kelli moves faster * -Leo doing a backward somersault to dodge large rocks thrown at him at super speeds. TLH ch.43 * -Piper coming up from below a ridge to move fast enough to to be a blur of turquoise and black TLO ch.42 * -Jason deflecting lightning in a fight with a ventus he was tagged when he wasn’t ready to fight, so thishad nothing to do with being a son of Zeus cause he can be affected by lightning, This one needs context cause you could argue against it * -but venti are storm spirits. In PJO nature spirits obviously make up nature. From trees spirits to river spirits,they have humanoid forms, but are also literally a tree or river or flower. For this venti named Dylan his true form is a literal storm cloud along with the other venti that comes with him. Venti are literal thunderstorms because they are the thunderclouds. It’s not the same as characters like avatar characters that can generate lightning cause in this case the lighting is being generated by the actual cloud. * -Besides that feat he did dodge a charge of a venti who are fast enough to move only a little slower than Arion who’s supersonic BOO ch. 59

Movement speed

Only faster than above average mortals * - Ran 10 yards before Bianca could say anything. TTC ch.6 * - human magician in good shape struggling to keep up SOS pg.9 * - outpaced Sadie while holding a heavy object, COP pg.12 * - Apollo who had been turned mortal couldn’t keep up with Percy and Meg THO pg. 57

Durability/Endurance

Agility

Mist control

The mist is the uppermost layer of the Duat which is the realm of magic. It’s the reason mortals don’t see anything out of the ordinary when dealing with the magical. Someone who can control it can alter memories, appearances, summon weapons, make creatures to fight for you, hide objects even if they’re directly in-front of you, create illusions, and teleport. Though he’s not very good at it Percy has shown the ability to make small illusions and hide in plain sight

Magic

Heat resistance

Magic resistance

Mental defense

Intelligence

Combat feats

Percy vs Ares * - Although Ares wasn’t taking him seriously it’s still impressive for a week trained 12 y/o especially since Ares seems to have battle precog because he knew where Percy was attacking before he even did it. Also shows how his adhd lets him see how his opponents tense, so he knows where the attack is gonna come from. TLT pg.341-344 * - After a year he’s considered one of the best swordsman in the last hundred years, cabins of super humans don’t work him out and he wishes he could fight the war gods cabins SOM ch.6 * - Curse Percy vs. Minotaur TLO ch.11 * - Against Carter he showed to be quick and strong, and while it was completely one-sided, he still told Carter he did better against him than most others SOS pg.5-6 * -Beating up the 1st and 2nd cohort of Camp Jupiter. Lots of rolling and flipping showing a very active and athletic fighting style SON ch.12 * -Easily beats Magnus,son of Frey, in hand to hand combat TSTD ch.1 While Magnus isn’t much of a fighter, he’s still capable of ripping a 20 ft. long lamppost out the ground and jump 60 ft. vertically. Percy’s trained in unarmed combat at Camp and this is one of the few times he does

Will

Aegis feats
Important to note that- while using his powers does drain him over time, the amount he's drained is pretty overstated. His storm powers are the only ones that drain him, in the way that he'll feel physically tired from it, but being to able to use his water powers at a high level is never affected especially considering his best feat occured after prolonged use of his storm powers.

Hydrokinesis

Water healing

Water amp

Hydrogenesis

Strom Generation

Geokinesis

Other powers

Wolf stare

A glare he learned from his mama wolf Lupa that scares people. It’s kinda like his bat-glare
Scares a gang SON ch. 16 Makes Leo,a fellow demigod, tremble MOA pg.46 Scares Piper BOO ch.19

Animal friends

Curse of Achilles

user gains invulnerability, increased fighting prowess, but one weak spot that can only be pierced, and even a nick is enough to kill

Avatar mode

Percy merged with the Egyptian vulture goddess Nekhbet granting him a few more abilities
submitted by younbthear to respectthreads [link] [comments]

Rooms in a Wizard's Mansion

Hi!
So, I had an idea to have a constantly - relocating wizard mansion. It will pop up in random places; sometimes in vacant spots in cities, sometimes in the wilderness somewhere. PCs could hear excited whispers from travelers on the road and merchants in cities (did you hear the Wizard's Mansion popped up around X? I wonder what they have this time).
The mansion is full of rooms, and is much bigger on the inside than the outside. Upon entering the main door, the PCs end up in a large circular landing with 3 long (seemingly infinite) hallways branching off of it with doors on either sides.
Each of these rooms lead to completely random things. They can be shops with weird items, pointless rooms, rooms that lock you in unless you answer a question or solve a riddle, etc.
  1. Shop with a haggard-looking wizard. Boasts 2d12 uncommon items, 1d12 rare items, and 1d4 legendary items.
  2. Empty room, save for a single wooden chair in the middle. If the PC sits in the chair, it rapidly tips over and fires the PC directly out of the room
  3. A bustling tavern; anyone who enters is challenged to a drinking contest. Winners get 4d100gp and a small poorly-made paper crown
  4. a "casino" - PCs enter a room that has lots of gambling activities going on (include any DnD/RPG gambling games you'd like)
  5. Room is wonderfully adorned, but an old haggard woman lies on a bed in the center. Woman becomes enamored with PC, and refuses to let him/her leave until he/she tricks the woman into letting them leave (ex: I'll be back in just a moment my love, just going to slip into something more comfortable) - fun RP opportunity
  6. The room smells strangely good, inside there is a friendly copper dragon. If you decide to talk to him, the conversation will seem to go on forever. Every time it starts to get boring he will say/ask/point out something interesting that will keep it going. You can leave anytime but you won't want to. CAPShidra
  7. Room full of piles of unorganized gold coins. Coins disappear if they leave the room. MakingReady
  8. A museum of historically accurate uniforms of armies long past. MakingReady
  9. A cage with an umber hulk inside it. MakingReady
  10. A shrine to a god of secrets, all the candles burned down to stubs. MakingReady
  11. A hall of mirrors. MakingReady
  12. A kitchen where ghosts are constantly cooking delicious cakes. MakingReady
  13. A library, but every book is about astrology and vague prophecies. MakingReady
  14. A room with the singular purpose of being a perfect mansion for a penguin. Complete with ice slide, ice floor, fishing place, a warming spot, ventilation, and ways to entertain himself. The penguin can be smart or a pet. TheWoodcarveree
  15. a room with an open empty box on the floor next to a fallen pedastal. A sign reads "do NOT open" GregMcGregFace
  16. menagerie of strange and likely dangerous animals. GregMcGregFace
  17. a small library room. Interacting with anything will activate a swarm of books (construct) to attack GregMcGregFace
  18. two familiars given conflicting tasks (organise by title Vs organise by author) they've been here for a long time GregMcGregFace
  19. a guardian holding a giant book of riddles. He will not let you leave unless YOU tell HIM a riddle that he cannot answer. If successful he jots it into his book GregMcGregFace
  20. a chest in the center of the room, a sign beside it reads "Warning: this is a MIMIC!" ( The sign is the mimic) GregMcGregFace
  21. the door reads "under construction", leads to an endless black abyss GregMcGregFace
  22. a tiny devil in a bottle, willing to promise anything to be let out, but he has no special skills GregMcGregFace
  23. A mirror in the center of the room. The mirror version of only one party member acts strangely, insisting that they were put in the mirror two days ago "by that imposter!" GregMcGregFace
  24. a room containing a small diorama of itself, including any party members that enter, and an even smaller diorama inside the first GregMcGregFace
  25. A room with beautiful stained-glass windows showing different scene. Read in order, they tell a joke or short story. Samlefomas
  26. The wizard's wardrobe. Some of it is formal wear, some is outrageous party costumes. Hidden in a dirty box under some shoes is a Robe of the Archmagi, but good luck finding it. Samlefomas
  27. A room with a door that enters on one side, and a door opposite that only leads back in to the same room (like portals from the games). To leave the room you must exit backwards via the door you came in. Samlefomas
  28. The zero-g room. Pressing a button on the wall activates two runes of reverse gravity, one on the floor and one on the ceiling, meaning you 'float' in the middle for a minute. Samlefomas
  29. A lavish, traditional living room, like you'd find in a castle. The difference is that everything is a poor knock-off. The paintings are finger paintings, the tables are made of balsa wood, if you light the fire place the rest of the room may go up in flames, etc. Samlefomas
  30. The Necromancer’s Theater: an operatic theater where undead will perform theatrical routines, dances, and songs when possible. Shmegdar
  31. A normal bedroom except everything in it is on the ceiling instead of the floor Shmegdar
  32. a very large room full of magically moving mechanical contraptions, such as animated minecarts, a wheel with seats, and horselike statues that revolve around an axis of mirrors (an amusement park) Shmegdar
  33. A kitchen except everything (and I mean everything) in it has a humanoid face on it, living or not. Mostly nothing in the room is alive or sentient, but I wouldn’t rule out the possibility Shmegdar
  34. A room that leads to the outside of the wizards mansion, but this was not the exit or the entrance killllllllllmeeeeee
  35. A room where a gaint war table sits in the middle made of nothing but flowing ale and ludicrous battles killllllllllmeeeeee
  36. A room that leads to large tapestries and monoliths, that depict strange ships in the sky, a picture of some kind of 4-ringed circle in the middle that all connect to a central point. With millions... no billions of tiny dots, with borders of counties that don't exist and technology that hasn't been thought of... battles in the void of space and planets with undeciferable names. It's so ludicrous that it shouldn't be possible...Surely. killllllllllmeeeeee
  37. A portal that leads to the middle of a desert, for no particular reason. killllllllllmeeeeee
  38. A room with a room in it, and so on killllllllllmeeeeee
  39. A staircase that always goes up and always goes down, never ends. killllllllllmeeeeee
submitted by ExKondor to d100 [link] [comments]

Angélica Gorodischer - Three Stories [Translated by Lorraine Elena Roses and Marian Womack]

The Resurrection of the Flesh [Tr by Roses]

These first two tales published in Secret Weavers: Stories of the Fantastic by Women Writers of Argentina and Chile, edited by Marjorie Agosin (White Pine Press, 1992):
She was thirty-two, her name was Aurelia, and she had been married eleven years. One Saturday afternoon, she looked through the kitchen window at the garden and saw the four horsemen of the Apocalypse. Men of the world, those four horsemen of the Apocalypse. And good-looking. The first from the left was riding a sorrel horse with a dark mane. He was wearing white breeches, black boots, a crimson jacket, and a yellow fez with black pompoms. The second one had a sleeveless tunic overlaid with gold and violet and was barefoot. He was riding on the back of a plump dolphin. The third one had a respectable, black beard, trimmed at right angles. He had donned a gray Prince of Wales suit, white shirt, blue tie and carried a black leather portfolio. He was seated on a folding chair belted to the back of white-haired dromedary. The fourth one made Aurelia smile and realize that they were smiling at her. He was riding a black and gold Harley-Davidson 1200 and was wearing a white helmet and dark goggles and had long, straight, blond hair flying in the wind behind him. The four were riding in the garden without moving from the spot. They rode and smiled at her and she watched them through the kitchen window.
In that manner, she finished washing the two teacups, took off her apron, arranged her hair and went to the living room.
"I saw the four horsemen of the Apocalypse in the garden," she told her husband.
"I'll bet," he said without raising his eyes from his paper.
"What are you reading?" Aurelia asked.
"Hmmm?"
"I said they were given a crown and a sword and a balance and power."
"Oh, right," said her husband.
And after that a week went by as all weeks do--very slowly at first and very quickly toward the end--and on Sunday morning, while she made the coffee, she again saw the four horsemen of the Apocalypse in the garden, but when she went back to the bedroom she didn't say anything to her husband.
The third time she saw them, one Wednesday, alone, in the afternoon, she stood looking at them for a half hour and finally, since she had always wanted to fly in a yellow and red dirigible; and since she had dreamed about being an opera singer, an emperor's lover, a co-pilot to Icarus; since she would have liked to scale black cliffs, laugh at cannibals, traverse the jungles on elephants with purple trappings, seize with her hands the diamonds that lay hidden in mines, preside in the nude over a parade of nocturnal monsters, live under water, domesticate spiders, torture the powerful of the earth, rob trains in the tunnels of the Alps, set palaces on fire, lie in the dark with beggars, climb on the bridges of all the ships in the world; finally--since it was sadly sterile to be a rational and healthy adult--finally, that Wednesday afternoon alone, she put on the long dress she had worn at the last New Year's party given by the company where her husband was assistant sales manager and went out to the garden. The four horsemen of the Apocalypse called her, the blond one on the Harley-Davidson gave her his hand and helped her up onto the seat behind him, and there they went, all five, raging into the storm and singing.
Two days later her husband gave in to family pressure and reported the disappearance of his wife.
"Moral: madness is a flower aflame," said the narrator. Or in other words, it's impossible to inflame the dead, cold, viscous, useless, and sinful ashes of common sense.

The Perfect Married Woman

If you meet her on the street, cross quickly to the other side and quicken your pace. She’s a dangerous lady. She’s about forty or forty-five, has one married daughter and a son working in San Nicolas; her husband’s a sheet-metal worker. She rises very early, sweeps the sidewalk, sees her husband off, cleans, does the wash, shops, cooks. After lunch she watches television, sews or knits, irons twice a week, and at night goes to bed late. On Saturdays she does a general cleaning and washes windows and waxes the floors. On Sunday mornings she washes the clothes her son brings home—his name is Nestor Eduardo—she kneads dough for noodles or ravioli, and in the afternoon either her sister-inlaw comes to visit or she goes to her daughter’s house. It’s been a long time since she’s been to the movies, but she reads TV Guide and the police report in the newspaper. Her eyes are dark and her hands are rough and her hair is starting to go gray. She catches cold frequently and keeps a photo album in a dresser drawer along with a black crepe dress with lace collar and cuffs.
Her mother never hit her. But when she was six, she got a spanking for coloring on a door, and she had to wash it off with a wet rag. While she was doing it, she thought about doors, all doors, and decided that they were very dumb because they always led to the same places. And the one she was cleaning was definitely the dumbest of all, the one that led to her parents’ bedroom. She opened the door and then it didn’t go to her parents’ bedroom but to the Gobi desert. She wasn’t surprised that she knew it was the Gobi desert even though they hadn’t even taught her in school where Mongolia was and neither she nor her mother nor her grandmother had ever heard of Nan Shan or Khangai Nuru.
She stepped through the door, bent over to scratch the yellowish grit and saw that there was no one, nothing, and the hot wind tousled her hair, so she went back through the open door, closed it and kept on cleaning. And when she finished, her mother grumbled a little more and told her to wash the rag and take the broom to sweep up that sand and clean her shoes. That day she modified her hasty judgment about doors, though not completely, at least not until she understood what was going on.
What had been going on all her life and up until today was that from time to time doors behaved satisfactorily, though in general they were still acting dumb and leading to dining rooms, kitchens, laundry rooms, bedrooms and offices even in the best of circumstances. But two months after the desert, for example, the door that every day led to the bath opened onto the workshop of a bearded man dressed in a long uniform, pointed shoes, and a cap that tilted on one side of his head. The old man’s back was turned as he took something out of a highboy with many small drawers behind a very strange, large wooden machine with a giant steering wheel and screw, in the midst of cold air and an acrid smell. When he turned around and saw her he began to shout at her in a language she didn’t understand.
She stuck out her tongue, dashed out the door, closed it, opened it again, went into the bathroom and washed her hands for lunch.
Again, after lunch, many years later, she opened the door of her room and walked into a battlefield. She dipped her hands in the blood of the wounded and dead and pulled from the neck of a cadaver a crucifix that she wore for a long time under high-necked blouses or dresses without plunging necklines. She now keeps it in a tin box underneath the nightgowns with a brooch, a pair of earrings and a broken wristwatch that used to belong to her mother-in-law. In the same way, involuntarily and by chance, she visited three monasteries, seven libraries, and the highest mountains in the world, and who knows how many theaters, cathedrals, jungles, refrigeration plants, dens of vice, universities, brothels, forests, stores, submarines, hotels, trenches, islands, factories, palaces, hovels, towers and hell.
She’s lost count and doesn’t care; any door could lead anywhere and that has the same value as the thickness of the ravioli dough, her mother’s death, and the life crises that she sees on TV and reads about in TV Guide.
Not long ago she took her daughter to the doctor, and seeing the closed door of a bathroom in the clinic, she smiled. She wasn’t sure because she can never be sure, but she got up and went to the bathroom. However, it was a bathroom; at least there was a nude man in a bathtub full of water. It was all very large, with a high ceiling, marble floor and decorations hanging from the closed windows. The man seemed to be asleep in his white bathtub, short but deep, and she saw a razor on a wrought iron table with feet decorated with iron flowers and leaves and ending in lion’s paws, a razor, a mirror, a curling iron, towels, a box of talcum powder and an earthen bowl with water. She approached on tiptoe, retrieved the razor, tiptoed over to the sleeping man in the tub and beheaded him. She threw the razor on the floor and rinsed her hands in the lukewarm bathtub water. She turned around when she reached the clinic corridor and spied a girl going into the bathroom through the other door. Her daughter looked at her.
“That was quick.”
“The toilet was broken,” she answered.
A few days afterward, she beheaded another man in a blue tent at night. That man and a woman were sleeping mostly uncovered by the blankets of a low, king-size bed, and the wind beat around the tent and slanted the flames of the oil lamps. Beyond it there would be another camp, soldiers, animals, sweat, manure, orders and weapons. But inside there was a sword by the leather and metal uniforms, and with it she cut off the head of the bearded man. The woman stirred and opened her eyes as she went out the door on her way back to the patio that she had been mopping.
On Monday and Thursday afternoons, when she irons shirt collars, she thinks of the slit necks and the blood, and she waits. If it’s summer she goes out to sweep a little after putting away the clothing and until her husband arrives. If it’s windy she sits in the kitchen and knits. But she doesn’t always find sleeping men or staring cadavers. One rainy morning, when she was twenty, she was at a prison, and she made fun of the chained prisoners; one night when the kids were kids and were all living at home, she saw in a square a disheveled woman looking at a gun but not daring to take it out of her open purse. She walked up to her, put the gun in the woman’s hand and stayed there until a car parked at the corner, until the woman saw a man in gray get out and look for his keys in his pocket, until the woman aimed and fired. And another night while she was doing her sixth grade geography homework, she went to look for crayons in her room and stood next to a man who was crying on a balcony. The balcony was so high, so far above the street, that she had an urge to push him to hear the thud down below, but she remembered the orographic map of South America and was about to leave. Anyhow, since the man hadn’t seen her, she did push him and saw him disappear and ran to color in the map so she didn’t hear the thud, only the scream. And in an empty theater, she made a fire underneath the velvet curtain; in a riot she opened the cover to a basement hatchway; in a house, sitting on top of a desk, she shredded a two-thousand-page manuscript; in a clearing of a forest she buried the weapons of the sleeping men; in a river she opened the floodgates of a dike.
Her daughter’s name is Laura Inés, her son has a fiancée in San Nicolás and he’s promised to bring her over on Sunday so she and her husband can meet her. She has to remind herself to ask her sister-in-law for the recipe for orange cake, and Friday on TV is the first episode of a new soap opera. Again, she runs the iron over the front of the shirt and remembers the other side of the doors that are always carefully closed in her house, that other side where the things that happen are much less abominable than the ones we experience on this side, as you can easily understand.

The Unmistakable Smell of Wood Violets [Tr by Womack]

Translated for the first time in Ann and Jeff Vandermeer's Big Book of Science Fiction (Vintage, 2016):
The news spread fast. It would be correct to say that the news moved like a flaming trail of gunpowder, if it weren't for the fact that at this point in our civilization gunpowder was archaeology, ashes in time, the stuff of legend, nothingness. However, it was because of the magic of our new civilization that the news was known all over the world, practically instantaneously.
"Oooh!" the tsarina said.
You have to take into account that Her Gracious and Most Illustrious Virgin Majesty Ekaterina V, Empress of Holy Russia, had been carefully educated in the proper decorum befitting the throne, which meant that she would never have even raised an eyebrow or curved the corner of her lip, far less would she have made an interjection of that rude and vulgar kind. But not only did she say "Oooh!," she also got up and walked through the room until she reached the glass doors of the great balcony. She stopped there. Down below, covered by snow, Saint Leninburg was indifferent and unchanged, the city's eyes squinting under the weight of winter. At the palace, ministers and advisers were excited, on edge.
"And where is this place?" the tsarina asked.
And that is what happened in Russia, which is such a distant and atypical country. In the central states of the continent, there was real commotion. In Bolivia, in Paraguay, in Madagascar, in all the great powers, and in the countries that aspired to be great powers, such as High Peru, Iceland, or Morocco, hasty conversations took place at the highest possible level with knitted brows and hired experts. The strongest currencies became unstable: the guarani rose, the Bolivian peso went down half a point, the crown was discreetly removed from the exchange rates for two long hours, long queues formed in front of the exchanges in front of all the great capitals of the world. President Morillo spoke from the Oruro Palace and used the opportunity to make a concealed warning (some would call it a threat) to the two Peruvian republics and the Minas Gerais secessionist area. Morillo had handed over the presidency of Minas to his nephew, Pepe Morillo, who had proved to be a wet blanket whom everybody could manipulate, and now Morillo bitterly regretted his decision. Morocco and Iceland did little more than give their diplomats a gentle nudge in the ribs, anything to shake them into action, as they imagined them all to be sipping grenadine and mango juice in the deep south while servants in shiny black uniforms stood over them with fans.
The picturesque note came from the Independent States of North America. It could not have been otherwise. Nobody knew that all the states were now once again under the control of a single president, but that's how it was: some guy called Jack Jackson-Franklin, who had been a bit-part actor in videos, and who, aged eighty-seven, had discovered his extremely patriotic vocation of statesman. Aided by his singular and inexplicable charisma, and by his suspect family tree, according to which he was the descendent of two presidents who had ruled over the states during their glory days, he had managed to unify, at least for now, the seventy-nine northern states. Anyway, Mr. Jackson-Franklin said to the world that the Independent States would not permit such a thing to take place. No more, just that they would not permit such a thing to take place. The world laughed uproariously at this.
Over there, in the Saint Leninburg palace, ministers cleared their throats, advisers swallowed saliva, trying to find out if, by bobbing their Adam's apples up and down enough, they might be able to loosen their stiff official shirts.
"Ahem. Ahem. It's in the south. A long way to the south. In the west, Your Majesty."
"It is. Humph. Ahem. It is, Your Majesty, a tiny country in a tiny territory."
"It says that it is in Argentina," the tsarina said, still staring through the window but without paying any attention to the night as it fell over the snow-covered roofs and the frozen shores of the Baltic.
"Ah, yes, that's right, that's right, Your Majesty, a pocket republic."
Sergei Vasilievich Kustkarov, some kind of councilor and, what is more, an educated and sensible man, broke into the conversation.
"Several, Your Majesty, it is several."
And at last the tsarina turned around. Who cared a fig for the Baltic night, the snow-covered rooftops, the roofs themselves, and the city of which they were a part? Heavy silk crackled, starched petticoats, lace.
"Several of what, Councilor Kustkarov, several of what? Don't come to me with your ambiguities."
"I must say, Your Majesty, I had not the slightest intention--"
"Several of what?"
The tsarina looked directly at him, her lips held tightly together, her hands moving unceasingly, and Kustkarov panicked, as well he might.
"Rep-rep-republics, Your Majesty," he blurted out. "Several of them. Apparently, a long time ago, a very long time, it used to be a single territory, and now it is several, several republics, but their inhabitants, the people who live in all of them, all of the republics, are called, they call themselves, the people, that is, Argentinians."
The tsarina turned her gaze away. Kustkarov felt so relieved that he was encouraged to carry on speaking:
"There are seven of them, Your Majesty: Rosario, Entre dos Rios, Ladocta, Ona, Riachuelo, Yujujuy, and Labodegga."
The tsarina sat down.
"We must do something," she said.
Silence. Outside it was not snowing, but inside it appeared to be. The tsarina looked at the transport minister.
"This enters into your portfolio," she said.
Kustkarov sat down, magnificently. How lucky he was to be a councilor, a councilor with no specific duties. The transport minister, on the other hand, turned pale.
"I think, Your Majesty...," he dared to say.
"Don't think! Do something!"
"Yes, Your Majesty," the minister said, and, bowing, started to make his way to the door.
"Where do you think you're going?" the tsarina said, without moving her mouth or twitching an eyelid.
"I'm just, I'm going, I'm just going to see what can be done, Your Majesty."
There's nothing that can be done, Sergei Vasilievich thought in delight, nothing. He realized that he was not upset, but instead he felt happy. And on top of everything else a woman, he thought. Kustkarov was married to Irina Waldoska-Urtiansk, a real beauty, perhaps the most beautiful woman in all of Holy Russia. Perhaps he was being cuckolded; it would have been all too easy for him to find that out, but he did not want to. His thoughts turned in a circle: and on top of everything else a woman. He looked at the tsarina and was struck, not for the first time, by her beauty. She was not so beautiful as Irina, but she was magnificent.
In Rosario it was not snowing, not because it was summer, although it was, but because it never snowed in Rosario. And there weren't any palm trees: the Moroccans would have been extremely disappointed had they known, but their diplomats said nothing about the Rosario flora in their reports, partly because the flora of Rosario was now practically nonexistent, and partly because diplomats are supposed to be above that kind of thing.
Everyone who was not a diplomat, that is to say, everyone, the population of the entire republic that in the last ten years had multiplied vertiginously and had now reached almost two hundred thousand souls, was euphoric, happy, triumphant. They surrounded her house, watched over her as she slept, left expensive imported fruits outside her door, followed her down the street. Some potentate allowed her the use of a Ford 99, which was one of the five cars in the whole country, and a madman who lived in the Espinillos cemetery hauled water all the way up from the Pará lagoon and grew a flower for her which he then gave her.
"How nice," she said, then went on, dreamily, "Will there be flowers where I'm going?"
They assured her that there would be.
She trained every day. As they did not know exactly what it was she had to do to train herself, she got up at dawn, ran around the Independence crater, skipped, did some gymnastic exercises, ate little, learned how to hold her breath, and spent hours and hours sitting or curled into strange positions. She also danced the waltz. She was almost positive that the waltz was not likely to come in handy, but she enjoyed it very much.
Meanwhile, farther away, the trail of gunpowder had become a barrel of dynamite, although dynamite was also a legendary substance and didn't exist. The infoscreens in every country, whether poor or rich, central or peripheral, developed or not, blazed forth with extremely large headlines suggesting dates, inventing biographical details, trying to hide, without much success, their envy and confusion. No one was fooled:
"We have been wretchedly beaten," the citizens of Bolivia said.
"Who would have thought it," pondered the man on the Reykjavík omnibus.
The former transport minister of Holy Russia was off breaking stones in Siberia. Councilor Sergei Vasilievich Kustkarov was sleeping with the tsarina, but that was only a piece of low, yet spicy, gossip that has nothing to do with this story.
"We will not allow this to happen!" Mr. Jackson-Franklin blustered, tugging nervously at his hairpiece. "It is our own glorious history that has set aside for us this brilliant destiny! It is we, we and not this despicable banana republic, who are marked for this glory!"
Mr. Jackson-Franklin also did not know that there were no palm trees or bananas in Rosario, but this was due not to a lack of reports from his diplomats but rather a lack of diplomats. Diplomats are a luxury that a poor country cannot afford, and so poor countries often go to great pains to take offense and recall all the knights commanders and lawyers and doctors and even eventually the generals working overseas, in order to save money on rent and electricity and gas and salaries, not to mention the cost of the banquets and all the money in brown paper envelopes.
But the headlines kept on appearing on the infoscreens: "Argentinian Astronaut Claims She Will Reach Edge of Universe," "Sources Claim Ship Is Spaceworthy in Spite of or Because of Centuries-Long Interment," "Science or Catastrophe?," "Astronaut Not a Woman but a Transsexual" (this in the Imperialskaya Gazeta, the most puritan of the infoscreens, even more so than the Papal Piccolo Osservatore Lombardo), "Ship Launches," "First Intergalactic Journey in Centuries," "We Will Not Allow This to Happen!" (Portland Times).
She was dancing the waltz. She woke up with her heart thumping, tried out various practical hairstyles, ran, skipped, drank only filtered water, ate only olives, avoided spies and journalists, went to see the ship every day, just to touch it. The mechanics all adored her.
"It'll work, they'll see, it'll work," the chief engineer said defiantly.
Nobody contradicted him. No one dared say that it wouldn't.
It would make it, of course it would make it. Not without going through many incredible adventures on its lengthy journey. Lengthy? No one knew who Langevin was anymore, so no one was shocked to discover that his theory contradicted itself, ended up biting its own tail, and that however long the journey took, the observers would only perceive it as having lasted minutes. Someone called Cervantes, a very famous personage back in the early years of human civilization--it was still debated whether he had been a physicist, a poet, or a musician--had suggested a similar theory in one of his lost works.
One autumn dawn the ship took off from the Independence crater, the most deserted part of the whole desert republic of Rosario, at five forty-five in the morning. The exact time is recorded because the inhabitants of the country had all pitched in together to buy a clock, which they thought the occasion deserved (there was one other clock, in the Enclosed Convent of the Servants of Santa Rita de Casino, but because the convent was home to an enclosed order nothing ever went in or out of it, no news, no requests, no answers, no nothing). Unfortunately, they had not had enough money. But then someone had had the brilliant idea which had brought in the money they needed, and Rosario had hired out its army for parades in friendly countries: there weren't that many of them and the ones there were weren't very rich, but they managed to get the cash together. Anyone who was inspired by patriotism and by the proximity of glory had to see those dashing officers, those disciplined soldiers dressed in gold and crimson, protected by shining breastplates, capped off with plumed helmets, their catapults and pouches of stones at their waists, goose-stepping through the capital of Entre Dos Rios or the Padrone Giol vineyards in Labodegga, at the foot of the majestic Andes.
The ship blasted off. It got lost against the sky. Before the inhabitants of Rosario, their hearts in their throats and their eyes clouded by emotion, had time to catch their breath, a little dot appeared up there, getting bigger and bigger, and it was the ship coming back down. It landed at 06:11 on the same morning of that same autumn day. The clock that recorded this is preserved in the Rosario Historical Museum. It no longer works, but anyone can go and see it in its display cabinet in Room A of the Museum. In Room B, in another display case, is the so-called Carballensis Indentic Axe, the fatal tool that cut down all the vegetation of Rosario and turned the whole country into a featureless plain. Good and evil, side by side, shoulder to shoulder.
Twenty-six minutes on Earth, many years on board the ship. Obviously, she did not have a watch or a calendar with her: the republic of Rosario would not have been able to afford either of them. But it was many years, she knew that much.
Leaving the galaxy was a piece of cake. You can do it in a couple of jumps, everyone knows that, following the instructions that Albert Einsteinstein, the multifaceted violin virtuoso, director of sci-fi movies, and student of space-time, gave us a few hundred years back. But the ship did not set sail to the very center of the universe, as its predecessors had done in the great era of colonization and discovery; no, the ship went right to the edge of the universe.
Everyone also knows that there is nothing in the universe, not even the universe itself, which does not grow weaker as you reach its edge. From pancakes to arteries, via love, rubbers, photographs, revenge, bridal gowns, and power. Everything tends to imperceptible changes at the beginning, rapid change afterward; everything at the edge is softer and more blurred, as the threads start to fray from the center to the outskirts.
In the time it took her to take a couple of breaths, a breath and a half, over the course of many years, she passed through habitable and uninhabitable places, worlds which had once been classified as existent, worlds which did not appear and had never appeared and probably would never appear in any cartographical survey. Planets of exiles, singing sands, minutes and seconds in tatters, whirlpools of nothingness, space junk, and that's without even mentioning those beings and things, all of which stood completely outside any possibility of description, so much so that we tend not to perceive them when we look at them; all of this, and shock, and fear more than anything else, and loneliness. The hair grew gray at her temples, her flesh lost its firmness, wrinkles appeared around her eyes and her mouth, her knees and ankles started to act up, she slept less than before and had to half close her eyes and lean backward in order to make out the numbers on the consoles. And she was so tired that it was almost unbearable. She did not waltz any longer: she put an old tape into an old machine and listened and moved her gray head in time with the orchestra.
She reached the edge of the universe. Here was where everything came to an end, so completely that even her tiredness disappeared and she felt once again as full of enthusiasm as she had when she was younger. There were hints, of course: salt storms, apparitions, little brushstrokes of white against the black of space, large gaps made of sound, echoes of long-dead voices that had died giving sinister orders, ash, drums; but when she reached the edge itself, these indications gave way to space signage: "End," "You Are Reaching the Universe Limits," "The Cosmos General Insurance Company, YOUR Company, Says: GO NO FURTHER," "End of Protected Cosmonaut Space," etc., as well as the scarlet polygon that the OMUU had adopted to use as a sign for that's it, abandon all hope, the end.
All right, so she was here. The next thing to do was go back. But the idea of going back never occurred to her. Women are capricious creatures, just like little boys: as soon as they get what they want, then they want something else. She carried on.
There was a violent judder as she crossed the limit. Then there was silence, peace, calm. All very alarming, to tell the truth. The needles did not move, the lights did not flash, the ventilation system did not hiss, her alveoli did not vibrate, her chair did not swivel, the screens were blank. She got up, went to the portholes, looked out, saw nothing. It was logical enough:
"Of course," she said to herself, "when the universe comes to an end, then there's nothing."
She looked out through the portholes a little more, just in case. She still could see nothing, but she had an idea.
"But I'm here," she said. "Me and the ship."
She put on a space suit and walked out into the nothing.
When the ship landed in the Independence crater in the republic of Rosario, twenty-six minutes after it had taken off, when the hatch opened and she appeared on the ramp, the spirit of Paul Langevin flew over the crater, laughing fit to burst. The only people who heard him were the madman who had grown the flower for her in the Espinillos cemetery and a woman who was to die that day. No one else had ears or fingers or tongue or feet, far less did they have eyes to see him.
It was the same woman who had left, the very same, and this calmed the crowds down at the same time as it disappointed them, all the inhabitants of the country, the diplomats, the spies, and the journalists. It was only when she came down the gangplank and they came closer to her that they saw the network of fine wrinkles around her eyes. All other signs of her old age had vanished, and had she wished, she could have waltzed tirelessly, for days and nights on end, from dusk till dawn till dusk.
The journalists all leaned forward; the diplomats made signals, which they thought were subtle and unseen, to the bearers of their sedan chairs to be ready to take them back to their residences as soon as they had heard what she had to say; the spies took photographs with the little cameras hidden away in their shirt buttons or their wisdom teeth; all the old people put their hands together; the men raised their fists to their heart; the little boys pranced; the young girls smiled.
And then she told them what she had seen:
"I took off my suit and my helmet," she said, "and walked along the invisible avenues that smelled of violets."
She did not know that the whole world was waiting to hear what she said; that Ekaterina V had made Sergei Vasilievich get up at five o'clock in the morning so that he could accompany her to the grand salon and wait there for the news; that one of the seventy-nine Northern States had declared its independence because the president had not stopped anything from happening or obtained any glory, and this had lit the spark of rebellion in the other seventy-eight states, and this had made Mr. Jackson-Franklin leave the White House without his wig, in pajamas, freezing and furious; that Bolivia, Paraguay, and Iceland had allowed the two Peruvian republics to join their new alliance and defense treaty set up against a possible attack from space; that the high command of the Paraguayan aeronautical engineers had promised to build a ship that could travel beyond the limits of the universe, always assuming that they could be granted legal immunity and a higher budget, a declaration that made the guarani fall back the two points that it had recently risen and then another one as well; that Don Schicchino Giol, the new padrone of the Republic of Labodegga at the foot of the majestic Andes had been woken from his most recent drinking bout to be told that he had now to sign a declaration of war against the Republic of Rosario, now that they knew the strength of the enemy's forces.
"Eh? What? Hunh?" Don Schicchino said.
"I saw the nothingness of everything," she said, "and it was all infused with the unmistakable smell of wood violets. The nothingness of the world is like the inside of a stomach throbbing above your head. The nothingness of people is like the back of a painting, black, with glasses and wires that release dreams of order and imperfect destinies. The nothingness of creatures with leathery wings is a crack in the air and the rustle of tiny feet. The nothingness of history is the massacre of the innocents. The nothingness of words, which is a throat and a hand that break whatever they touch on perforated paper; the nothingness of music, which is music. The nothingness of precincts, of crystal glasses, of seams, of hair, of liquids, of lights, of keys, of food."
When she had finished her list, the potentate who owned the Ford 99 said that he would give it to her, and that in the afternoon he would send one of his servants with a liter of naphtha so that she could take the car out for a spin.
"Thank you," she said. "You are very generous."
The madman went away, looking up to the skies; who knows what he was searching for. The woman who was going to die that day asked herself what she should eat on Sunday, when her sons and their wives came to lunch. The president of the Republic of Rosario gave a speech.
And everything in the world carried on the same, apart from the fact that Ekaterina V named Kustkarov her interior minister, which terrified the poor man but which was welcomed with open arms by Irina as an opportunity for her to refresh her wardrobe and her stock of lovers. And Jack Jackson-Franklin sold his memoirs to one of Paraguay's more sophisticated magazines for a stellar amount of money, which allowed him to retire to live in Imerina. And six spaceships from six major world powers set off to the edges of the universe and were never seen again.
She married a good man who had a house with a balcony, a white bicycle, and a radio which, on clear days, could pick up the radio plays that LLL1 Radio Magnum transmitted from Entre Dos Rios, and she waltzed in white satin shoes. The day that her first son was born a very pale green shoot grew out of the ground on the banks of the great lagoon.
submitted by MilkbottleF to shortstoryaday [link] [comments]

List of ALL Yelawolf songs (2005-today)

Updated 10.02.2021
 

2021

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf & Caskey - YELAWOLF X BLACKSHEEP(?) 3. Been A Problem
 
Features RiFF RAFF - TiP TOE 4 (feat. Yelawolf)
 

2020

-----------------------------------------------------
 
Features RiFF RAFF - Water Whippin Wizard (ft. Yelawolf) [Vanilla Gorilla] Struggle Jennings & Adam Calhoun - Cracked Pepper (ft. Yelawolf) [Legend] Korn - The Devil Went Down to Georgia (ft. Yelawolf) RiFF RAFF - Million Dollar Mullet (feat. Yelawolf) Caskey - McQueen Fiend (feat. Yelawolf) [Remix] Outlaw Mel - Big Dreamz (Yelawolf and The Outfit, TX) Struggle Jenning & Jelly Roll - Winds of Change (ft. Yelawolf and Tommy Vext) [Waylon & Willie IV] Struggle Jenning & Jelly Roll - Fufu (ft. Yelawolf) [Waylon & Willie IV]
 

2019

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Ghetto Cowboy 1. Mama Wolf 2. Unnatural Born Killer 3. Opie Taylor 4. Box Chevy 7 5. Here I Am 6. Still Ridin’ 7. Lightning 8. Renegades 9. So Long 10. You and Me 11. A Message From DJ Paul 12. Country Rich (ft. DJ Paul) 13. Keep on Rollin (ft. Big Henri & Cub da Cookupboss) 14. Ghetto Cowboy
 
Yelawolf - Trunk Muzik 3 1. TM3 (ft. DJ Klever) 2. Catfish Billy 2 3. Rowdy (ft. Machine Gun Kelly) 4. Special Kind of Bad 5. Like I Love You 6. Drugs 7. Trailer Park Hollywood 8. No Such Thing as Free (ft. Caskey & Doobie) 9. We Slum (ft. Shawty Fatt & Big Henry) 10. Box Chevy 6 (ft. Rittz & DJ Paul) 11. All The Way Up (ft. MopTop & CookUp Boss) 12. Over Again (ft. DJ Klever) 13. Addiction 14. Over Here
 
Yelawolf & Cub da CookupBoss - SLUMTRAP 1. (Intro) Catfish Billy Speaks 2. Shotz (ft. Moptop) 3. You & Me (ft. Kris Flair) 4. Take It There (ft. Bubba Sparxxx) 5. No Hall Pass (ft. Upchurch) 6. Never Coming' down (ft. Rittz) 7. Muddy Waters (ft. Kris Flair) 8. Sauce
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - Get Buck Freestyle Yelawolf - Pinto Bean Freestyle Yelawolf - Jesco White Freestyle Yelawolf - Billy Goat Freestyle Yelawolf - SKALLYWAG Freestyle Yelawolf - Elvis Messy Freestyle Yelawolf - Mountain Dew Mouth Freestyle Yelawolf - Bloody Sunday Freestyle Yelawolf - Jackson (ft. Fefe Dobson) Yelawolf - Midnight Yelawolf - You and Me (demo) Yelawolf & DJ Paul - I'm So Juiced Up (ft. Seed of 6ix & DJ Ease)
 
Features Caskey - Remember (ft. Yelawolf) [Black Sheep 4] DJ Paul - The Easy Way (ft. Yelawolf & Seed of the 6ix) Doobie - Circles (ft. Yelawolf) [Faithfully Faded] Struggle Jennings - Wild Eyes (ft. Yelawolf) [The Widow’s Son] Rittz - Wake up Call (ft. Yelawolf & Twista) [Put a Crown on it]
 
Music Videos Unnatural Born Killer Opie Taylor You and Me Elvis Messy Mountain Dew Mouth Bloody Sunday DJ Paul - The Easy Way (ft. Yelawolf & Seed of the 6ix)
 

2018

----------------------------------------------------- Features Alexander King - Southern Road (ft. Yelawolf & Gracen Hill) [R.O.S.A.P.] CookUp Boss - Never Comin’ Down (ft. Catfish Billy) [Make the Trap Great Again] Prhyme - W.O.W. (With Out Warning) [ft. Yelawolf] {Prhyme 2} Jelly Roll - Southern Hospitality (ft. Yelawolf, Struggle & Alexander King) [Goodnight Nashville] The Fever 333 - (The First Stone) Changes (ft. Yelawolf) [Made An America]
 

2017

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Trial By Fire 1. Trial By Fire 2. Shadows (ft. Joshua Hedley) 3. Get Mine (ft. Kid Rock) 4. Son of a Gun 5. Ride or Die 6. Struggle Speaks (Interlude) 7. Daylight 8. Do For Love 9. Punk (ft. Travis Barker & Juicy J) 10. Row Your Boat 11. True to Yourself (ft. Bones Owens) 12. Sabrina 13. Violin (ft. Lee Brice) 14. Keeps Me Alive (ft. Wynonna Judd)
 
Yelawolf & Cookup Boss - Catfish Billy X Cub Cookup Boss 1. Too Gangsta 2. You & Me 3. Sauce 4. Muddy Waters 5. Cocaine 6. Heisenberg
 
Features Angaleena Presley - Country (ft. Yelawolf) [Wrangled] Bone Thugs - Gravity (ft. Yelawolf) [New Waves] DJ Paul - Litty Up RMX (ft. Yelawolf) [Da Reason: Thank Me Later] Struggle Jennings - Your Little Man (ft. Yelawolf)
 
Music Videos Daylight Row Your Boat Get Mine ft. Kid Rock Punk ft. Travis Barker & Juicy J Shadows ft. Joshua Hedley Struggle Jennings - Your Little Man (ft. Yelawolf)
 

2016

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - H.O.T.E.L 1. Supersonic Alley Cat 2. You Should Have Known 3. Renegades 4. Someday 5. In Love Tonight 6. Be Yourself (ft. Bubba Sparxxx) 7. Good Love
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - Instagram Freestyle Yelawolf - Instagram Freestyle 2 Yelawolf - Instagram Freestyle 3 Yelawolf - Instagram Freestyle 4 Yelawolf & Travis Barker - Out Of Control
 
Features Bubba Sparxxx - Put in Work (ft. Yelawolf) [The Bubba Mathis EP] Bubba Sparxxx - Y. G. M. F. U. (ft. Yelawolf) [The Bubba Mathis EP] DJ Paul - Get Away (ft. Jon Connor & Yelawolf) [Mafia 4 Life] DJ Paul - Slumerican Three 6 (ft. Yelawolf) [#YOTS Pt. 1] Doobie Bvndit - Jacuzzi Lucy (Remix) (ft. Yelawolf) Struggle Jennings - Return of the Outlaw (ft. Yelawolf) [Return of the Outlaw]
 
Music Videos DJ Paul - Get Away (ft. Yelawolf & Jon Connor Bubba Sparxxx - Y. G. M. F. U. (ft. Yelawolf)
 

2015

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Love Story 1. Outer Space 2. Change 3. American You 4. Whiskey in a Bottle 5. Ball and Chain (Interlude) 6. Till It's Gone 7. Devil in my Veins 8. Best Friend (ft. Eminem) 9. Empty Bottles 10. Heartbreak 11. Tennessee Love 12. Box Chevy V 13. Love Story 14. Johnny Cash 15. Have a Great Flight 16. Sky's the Limit 17. Disappear 18. Fiddle Me This
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - Led Zeppelin Freestyle Yelawolf - American You (Extended Version) Yelawolf - Till It’s Gone (Acoustic) [ft. DJ Klever, Bones Owens & Travis Barker) Yelawolf - Till It's Gone (Campfire Remix) Yelawolf - Till It's Gone (Dan Heath Remix) Yelawolf - To Whom It May Concern
 
Features Rittz - L.A.F. Remix (ft. Yelawolf, Royce Da 5'9" & KXNG Crooked) WLPWR - Thank You (ft. Yelawolf) [Free Game] DJ Paul - F U 2 (ft. Violent J & Yelawolf) [Master Of Evil] Alexander King - Country Side (ft. Yelawolf & Jelly Roll)
 
Music Videos Whiskey In A Bottle Whiskey In A Bottle (Lyric Video) Johnny Cash Best Friend ft. Eminem Till Is's Gone Let's Roll ft. Kid Rock American You Devil In My Veins Box Chevy V Outer Space (Wall of Death)
 

2014

----------------------------------------------------- Shady Records - Shady XV Yelawolf - Down Skylar Grey, Eminem & Yelawolf - Twisted Slaughterhouse - Psychopath Killer (ft. Eminem & Yelawolf)
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - Primus Freestyle Yelawolf - Money Freestyle Yelawolf - Alabama Song Freestyle Yelawolf - Voodoo Child Freestyle Yelawolf - Louder (ft. Ink Monstarr) Yelawolf - Have A Great Flight (Demo Version) Yelawolf - Honey Brown Yelawolf - Box Chevy V (Single Version) Yelawolf, Slaughterhouse & Eminem - Shady CXVPHER
 
Features Gucci Ghost - Slumerican (ft. Yelawolf) [Rad Tape] Hillbilly Casino - The Hole (ft. Yelawolf) [Live In The USA] Jelly Roll - So Long (ft. Yelawolf) [The Biggest Loser] Kaleb D - Reload (ft. Yelawolf) Rittz - Profit (ft. Yelawolf & Shawty Fatt) [Next to Nothing]
 
Music Videos Down Shady CXVPHER
 

2013

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Trunk Muzik Returns 1. Firestarter 2. Way Out 3. F.A.S.T. Ride 4. Box Chevy (Part 4) 5. Hustle (ft. Paul Wall) 6. Catfish Billy 7. Gangster (ft. A$AP Rocky & Big Henry) 8. Rhyme Room (ft. Raekwon & Killer Mike) 9. Fame 10. Tennessee Love
 
Yelawolf & DJ Paul - Black Fall 1. Get Straight 2. Mastermind 3. Bowties (ft. Rittz) 4. Party Prophet (ft. DJ Paul) 5. Light Switch
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf & Big Henry - The Dark Knights Freestyle Yelawolf & Rittz - Hammertime
 
Features Big Henry - Troubled Times (ft. Yelawolf) Brotha Lynch Hung - Tha Package (ft. Yelawolf) [Mannibalector] Da Mafia 6ix - Go Hard (ft. Yelawolf) [6ix Commandments] Fefe Dobson - Legacy (Remix) (ft. Yelawolf) Jackie Chain - Yeah Dats Me (Remix) (ft. Big K.R.I.T & Yelawolf) [Bruce Lean Chronicles Vol. 2] Juicy J - Gun Plus A Mask (ft. Yelawolf) [Stay Trippy] Mickey Factz - Zen (ft. Yelawolf) Pill - I'm Hard (ft. Yelawolf) Rittz - Heaven (ft. Yelawolf) [The Life and Times of Jonny Valiant] Travis Barker - Cuz I'm Famous (ft. Yelawolf, Paul Wall & Hopsin)
 
Music Videos F.A.S.T. RIDE Way Out Hustle (ft. Paul Wall) Da Mafia 6ix - Go Hard (ft. Yelawolf)
 

2012

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf & Ed Sheeran - The Slumdon Bridge 1. London Bridge 2. You Don't Know (For Fuck's Sakes) 3. Faces 4. Tone
 
Yelawolf - Heart of Dixie 1. Howdy 2. Let Me Out 3. Be The One 4. Big Nutz 5. White Boy Shit 6. Fuck Me 7. Sobriety Sucks 8. Out My Face (ft. Shawty Fatt & Rittz) 9. Father's Day 10. Wrap Song
 
Yelawolf & Travis Barker - Psycho White 1. Push 'Em (ft. Skinhead Rob & Tim Armstrong) 2. 6 Feet Underground (ft. Tim Armstrong) 3. Funky Shit 4. Whistle Dixie 5. Director's Cut (Micheal Myers & Superman)
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - Rack City Freestyle Yelawolf - Thank You Freestyle Yelawolf - I Do Freestyle Yelawolf - Best of Freestyles Freestyle Yelawolf - Can it Be Yelawolf - Squidbillies Theme Song
 
Features ¡MAYDAY! – Dollar General (¡MAYDAY! Rmx) (ft. Stevie Stone & Yelawolf) [Smash & Grab] 8Ball - Immaculate Perception (ft. Waka Flocka & Yelawolf) [Premro] A$AP Rocky - 1 Train (ft. Kendrick Lamar, Joey Bada$$, Yelawolf, Danny Brown, Action Bronson & Big K.R.I.T.) [Long. Live. ASAP] Blink-182 - Pretty Little Girl (ft. Yelawolf) [Dogs Eating Dogs] Cisco Adler - Lemonade (ft. Yelawolf, Dirt Nasty, Johnny Polygon) CyHi Da Prynce - Drank & Smoke (ft. Big K.R.I.T & Yelawolf) [Ivy League Club] Jasmine Solano - One On One (ft. Yelawolf) Prof - New Kid (ft. Yelawolf) [Kaiser Von Powderhorn 3] Struggle - Satellites (ft. Yelawolf & Zilla) Trouble Andrew - Cheated (ft. Yelawolf) Big HUD - Far From A Bitch (ft. Yelawolf, Rittz & Young Struggle) [The Long Way Home]
 
Music Videos Push' Em Whistle Dixie Out of Control 6 Feet Underground Funky Shit Stevie Stone - Dollar General (ft. Yelawolf) Trouble Andrew - CHEATED (ft. Yelawolf)
 

2011

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Radioactive 1. Radioactive Introduction 2. Get Away (ft. Shawty Fatt & Mystikal) 3. Let's Roll (ft. Kid Rock) 4. Hard White (Up In The Club) (ft. Lil Jon) 5. Growin' Up In The Gutter (ft. Rittz) 6. Throw It Up (ft. Gangsta Boo & Eminem) 7. Good Girl (ft. Poo Bear) 8. Made In The U.S.A (ft. Priscilla Renea) 9. Animal (ft. Fefe Dobson) 10. The Hardest Love Song In The World 11. Write Your Name (ft. Mona Moua) 12. Everything I Love The Most 13. Radio 14. Slumerican Shitizen (ft. Killer Mike) 15. The Last Song Best Buy Deluxe Edition: 16. Whip It 17. I See You 18. In This World
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - Yonkers Freestyle Yelawolf - Toca Tuesdays Freestyle Yelawolf - Hard White (Remix) (ft. Slaughterhouse & T.I.) Yelawolf - Gangsta Of Love (Feat CyHi Da Prince) Yelawolf - Kill My Nightmare Yelawolf - Pop The Trunk (Bones & Vocal Version) Yelawolf - No Hands Yelawolf - Alabama Gotdamn Yelawolf - Shit I've Seen (ft. Trae Tha Truth) Yelawolf - Just Right (Demo Version of Animal) Yelawolf - 2011 XXL Freshmen Freestyle Yelawolf, Eminem & Slaughterhouse - 2.0 Boys Yelawolf, Kendrick Lamar, LIl B & CyHi Da Prince - 2011 XXL Freshmen Class Cypher Yelawolf, Slaughterhouse & Eminem - Shady 2.0 Cypher
 
Features Ace Hood - Shit Done Got Real (ft. Busta Rhymes & Yelawolf) [The Statement 2] Big HUD - Smell My Cologne (ft. Yelawolf) [Smell My Cologne EP] Big K.R.I.T - Happy Birthday Hip Hop (Remix) (ft. Yelawolf) Bizarre - Down This Road (ft. Yelawolf) [Friday Night At St. Andrews] CyHi Da Prince - Bulletproof (ft. Yelawolf) [Royal Flush 2] Game - Rough (ft. Yelawolf) [Hood Morning] GLC - Empty Town (ft. Cold Hard, Yelawolf & The Carps) [Eternal Sunshine Of The Pimpin Mind] Gucci Mane - Too Turnt Up (ft. Yelawolf) [Writings on the Wall 2] Hollyweerd - Buss It (ft. Yelawolf) Jessie and The Toy Boys - Push It (ft. Yelawolf) [Show Me Your Tan Lines] Kydd - Hall Pass (ft. Yelawolf) [The Sounds in My Head Part 2] Mr. Finley - Oh Yeah (ft. Yelawolf) [Bacc On My Wease Mac Shit] P.Watts - Lites On (ft. Yelawolf) [Element of Surprise] Rittz - Fulla Shit (ft. Yelawolf) [White Jesus] Rittz - Sleep At Night (ft. Yelawolf) [White Jesus] SMKA - Deer Mama (ft. Yelawolf) [The 808 Experiment Vol 2] Struggle - Outlaw Shit (ft. Yelawolf & Waylon Jennings) [I Am Struggle] STS - Hello Sunshine (ft. Yelawolf) [The Illustrious] Tech N9ne - Worldwide Choppers (ft. Ceza, JL of B. Hood, U$O, Yelawolf, Twista, Busta Rhymes, D-Loc & Twisted Insane) [All 6's and 7's] The Crystal Method - Make Some Noise (Put 'Em Up) (ft. Yelawolf) [Real Steel - Music From the Motion Picture] Travis Barker - Let's Go (ft. Busta Rhymes, Twista & Yelawolf) [Give the Drummer Some] Article - Electric Kingdom (ft. Yelawolf)
 
Music Videos Hard White (Up In The Club) ft. Lil Jon No Hands GUTTER ft. Rittz - A Short Film Bizarre - Down This Road (ft. Yelawolf) Travis Barker - Let's Go ft. Yelawolf, Twista, Busta Rhymes & Lil Jon Rittz - Sleep At Night ft. Yelawolf Rittz - White Jesus Struggle Jennings - Outlaw Shit ft. Yelawolf & Waylon Jennings 2.0 Boys Shady 2.0 Cypher 2011 XXL Freshman Cypher Jessie and The Toy Boys - Push It (ft. Yelawolf)
 

2010

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Trunk Muzik 1. Trunk Muzik 2. Stage Lights (Remix) 3. Good To Go 4. Pop the Trunk 5. Box Chevy 3 6. FU 7. Lick The Cat 8. Speak Her Sex 9. I wish (ft. Raekwon) 10. In This Club 11. Love is Not Enough 12. Mixin Up the Medicine (Remix) (ft. Juelz)
 
Yelawolf - Trunk Muzik 0-60 1. Get The Fuck Up! 2. Daddy's Lambo 3. That's What We On Now 4. I Just Wanna Party (ft. Gucci Mane) 5. Billy Crystal (ft. Rock City) 6. Pop The Trunk 7. Box Chevy 3 (ft. Rittz) 8. Good To Go (ft. Bun B) 9. Marijuana 10. Love Is Not Enough 11. I Wish (ft. Raekwon) 12. Trunk Muzik
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - I Need A Dollar Freestyle Yelawolf - Lemonade (Trunk Muzik 0-60 Freestyle) Yelawolf - FMS Freestyle Yelawolf - B.M.F Freestyle (Trunk Muzik 0-60 Freestyle) Yelawolf - Fly Boy Radio Freestyle Yelawolf - Dirt Road Freestyle Yelawolf - I Wanna Rock Freestyle Yelawolf - Beamer, Benz, Bentley Freestyle Yelawolf - Rhyme Room (Episode 1) Yelawolf - Rhyme Room (Episode 2) Yelawolf - Swagger Killer (ft. Mz Shanti) Yelawolf - Looking For Alien Love Yelawolf - Ain’t Goin Out Like That [Peter Rosenberg x Cypress Hill The Uprising] Yelawolf - I Wish (Remix) (ft. CyHi Da Prynce & Pill) Yelawolf, Wiz Khalifa, Bones Brigante & Raekwon - 2010 BET Cypher
 
Features Big Boi - You Ain’t No DJ (ft. Yelawolf) [Sir Lucious Left Foot] Big K.R.I.T - Hometown Hero (Remix) (ft. Yelawolf) [K.R.I.T Wuz Here] Donnis - Country Cool (Remix) (ft. Pill & Yelawolf) [Fashionably Late] Dreamer - Crazy Girlz (ft. Yelawolf) [Live in Stereo 2.0] Emilio Rojas - Turn It Up (ft. Yelawolf) [Life Without Shame] Feroz - Bring The Money Home (ft. Yelawolf) [Invisible Man] Glamourlyke - Cutlass (ft. Yelawolf) [Highway Love] Ludacris - How Low (Remix) (ft. Yelawolf & Rock City) Neako - Suicide (ft. Shawn Chrystopher, Phil Ade, Yelawolf, Smoke Dza & Stalley) Paul Wall - Live It (ft. Jay Electronica, Raekwon & Yelawolf) [Heart of a Champion] Rich Boy – Go Crazy (ft. Yelawolf) [Featuring] Shawty Fatt - Yeah (ft. Yelawolf) Digit - You Win Some You Lose Some (ft. Yelawolf) [The Alter Ego & Summer Of SUM] SkapeZilla - Look The Other Way (ft. Yelawolf, Note & Young Trimm) Scragg Lee - I'm A Freak (ft. Yelawolf, Pill & Henny) [Gold Chains] Thee Tom Hardy - Take 'Em To... (ft. Yelawolf) [The Hardy Boy Mystery Mixtape: Secret Of Thee Green Magic]
 
Music Videos Daddy's Lambo Pop The Trunk Good To Go ft. Bun B Marijuana I Just Wanna Party ft. Gucci Mane Big Boi - You Ain't No DJ ft. Yelawolf 2010 BET Cypher Rhyme Room 2 Yelawolf - I Wish (Remix) (ft. CyHi Da Prynce & Pill)
 

2009

----------------------------------------------------- Features Alex King - Like A Sewing Machine (ft. Yelawolf & Struggle) [Reincarnated] Alex King - Looking For A Change (ft. Sonny Bama & Yelawolf) [Reincarnated] G-Side - Whos Hood (ft. Yelawolf) [Huntsville International] Juelz Santana - Mixin' Up The Medicine (ft. Yelawolf) [Born to Lose, Built to Win] Slim Thug - I Run (ft. Yelawolf) [Boss of all Bosses] Slim Thug - I Run (Remix) (ft. Chamillionaire, Yelawolf & Z-Ro) Stophouse - Rocketman (ft. Yelawolf) [Recession Music] Priceless the Kid - Witness (ft. Yelawolf) [No Barcode] ??? - How We Do (ft. Yelawolf)
 
Music Videos Juelz Santana - Mixin' Up The Medicine (ft. Yelawolf)
 

2008

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Arena Rap EP 1. Back To Bama 2. Candy & Dreams 3. Enjoy The View 4. All Aboard 5. Come On Over 6. Stage Lights 7. Gone
 
Yelawolf - Stereo 1. Stereo Intro 2. Brick In The Wall 3. Stereo 4. Rich Like Me 5. Box Chevy Part 2 6. Break The Chain 7. Phone Skit 8. Gone 9. Magic Man 10. Burn Out 11. Brown Sugar 12. Run Johnny 13. In The Cradle 14. Heroine 15. TNT 16. Stereo Outro 17. Take It Easy
 
Features Jonny Euphonic - Off (ft. Yelawolf & TayFlow) Jonny Euphonic - Sippin Nis' Sauce (ft. Yelawolf)
 
Music Videos Box Chevy: Part 2
 

2007

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Ball of Flames: The Ballad of Slick Rick E. Bobby 1. Talladega Dreamin' 2. Doughnuts 3. Shake N Bake 4. I'm The Shit 5. Boyz In The Woodz 6. Kickin' 7. Run (ft. Shawty Fatt & B.o.B) 8. Hey Rick E. Bobby 9. My Box Chevy 10. New Shoes (ft. Sweet Waste) 11. Beer Buzz 12. Victory Circle
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - Before You Leave Yelawolf - Big Trucks Yelawolf - Chainsaw Yelawolf - Double Barrel (ft. Rittz) Yelawolf - Drama Yelawolf - Get Er Done Yelawolf - It's A Party (ft. B.o.B) Yelawolf - Land of Oz Yelawolf - Radio Smash Yelawolf - Superman (2007 Version) Yelawolf - Whyte Trash Yelawolf - 1979
 
Features Vendetta - Hip Rock (ft. Yelawolf)
 
Music Videos Kickin'
 

2005

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Creekwater 1. Intro (ft. Lil Jamie & Omar Cunningham) 2. Creekwater 3. G.A.D (ft. Big Henry & Shawty Fatt) 4. FITZ Spoken Word 5. Won't Stop 6. Dare He Go 7. Makeup 8. Pickin' Shrooms 9. Breathe (ft. Ban Hameen, Fly Friday & Grip Plyaz) 10. Ride Down The Highway (ft. Ben Hameen) 11. Bible Belt 12. SALIK'S Spoken Word 13. Sleeping Beauty 14. Fifty (ft. Grip Plyaz) 15. Soul Everyday (ft. Ben Hameen) 16. It Aint Over
 
Yelawolf - Piss'n In a Barrel of Bee'z 1. Intro 2. Piss'n In A Barrel Of Bee'z 3. Diamonds 4. Send Em Over 5. 2 Hot 4 TV 6. Hard Work 7. My Time 8. Need 2 Hear 9. Go To Jail 10. Drop It 11. Pissed On (ft. jhi-ali & Shawty Fatt) 12. Pistol N The Air 13. Super Man 14. Fist Up 15. White Boys (ft. ???)
 
Shoutout to the slumfam, especially Rafael and Josh27
 
submitted by HamesBond to yelawolf [link] [comments]

[Anime Discussion] Magia Record Anime Episode 6 notes + General Opinion (Warning! Contains Spoilers!)

Episode 6:
submitted by shaymeme to magiarecord [link] [comments]

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